Love Your Neighbor

(Psst: Read to the end. Ok? Ok.)

Dear Friends, 

It was lovely to see you on Facebook today. I've really enjoyed being part of your life. When I think back on all the fun times we've had - the times you've been there for me, the times we've laughed and cried, the times you've helped me not flunk my classes - I can't help but smile. 

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I'm grateful for your friendship. Or at least, I was.

But now it's time to part ways. We're too different. And by "different" I mean you're not exactly like me. We can't be friends anymore. 

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You see, you're 

crunchy, 

creative, 

artistic, 
and happy in your own skin. 
You know who you are, and you're cool with that.
(Do you see the problem here?)

You're committed to your causes, 
and you're willing to fight for them. 
You live out your convictions, 
and you have strong beliefs. 

But even if we agree on those things, I'm sure we disagree about other important things, like whether people should own striped socks or only white. So you can see how different we are now. 

You're fit and trim;  
you make me feel puffy. 
Or you're not a hardbody, 
but you love to run or do yoga or drink green tea.

Plus you think chocolate ice cream is better than vanilla, and that's really not ok. 

You call Easter "Easter," 

or you call it "Resurrection Sunday," and why do we have to have fancy names for everything now? 
(I'm opposed to names.)

You wear dresses to church,
or you always wear jeans (copycat!). 
Maybe you don't attend church at all, 
or just not the one I attend. 

There are just so many ways to you upset me. 

You wear flip flops. 

You wear sandals.

You hate to wear shoes. 
Ok, so those things are me, too, but it frustrates me that your feet are smaller or bigger than mine, and that you have that nice glitter nail polish, so just forget it.

We just can't get along. Even if you always agree with me.

We're too different. 

And I know about that whole love-your-neighbor-as-yourself thing. But I think it applies to neighbors who are just like me. Don't you agree? (If you don't, you're not my friend.) 

(Just kidding. I love you guys!)

Using sarcasm font, 

Becki*