Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Not So SiLent

Lent is here again, but you already knew that. All the girls at work are resisting the chocolates on their desks. Your husband's fasting meat, but you're not sure what in the name of St. Francis he'll eat without it. And until today you were scratching your head, wondering what you could fast that wouldn't be *too* impossible for 40 days; this is a sacrifice of love, not the 11th commandment.

~ See the grace of God there? We don't have to give up chocolate to get to heaven. ~

The sad truth is, the list of things I can't give up for 40 days is long. Sugar because this. Coffee because Electronics because family's far away. So many non-options. And then there was that crazy second, lost in thought about hermits in Ivanhoe, when I considered being quiet for 40 days. Yes, I laughed at myself like you're laughing now.

My kids would love that.

Finally, it came to me that maybe Lent doesn't have to be a list of what not to do (er, at least for Anglicans). Maybe it can just be a simple, quiet something to do. Something to build, slowly.
Photo cred
So I'm writing. But not as a ploy for readers, and not as an appeasement for guilt. Just as expression, the sacrifice of time for something that's become hard.

The thing is, I'm uninspired. I have no plan, no end game, and honestly no clue. There's no blueprint. I hope writing just does its work -- pouring out things that need to be said, maybe putting an end to the mute button. Maybe I'll tell a hard story. Or maybe I'll be too scared. Maybe I'll just have a day and call it good.

This is, I know, a ridiculously small thing. But it's my small thing: six weeks of writing, more or less, with lots of grace for myself and no publicity. Because in the end it's not about attracting others or impressing myself; it's about taking time away. This is my retreat.

"Nothing, how little so ever it be, if it is suffered for God's sake, can pass without merit in the sight of God." -- Thomas a Kempis

(We'll see if it turns out to be suffering.)

Chapter 2,
Becki ~

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